Monday, September 5, 2011

Chelsea's Narrow Escape v the Canaries--Not Much from Torres, Too Little Caution from Lambert


When I wrote this about Fernando Torres’ industrious performance against Stoke City, I carved out the possibility that his form on that day could be a kind of dead cat bounce for a terminally declining player.  His play in the following two matches (v West Bromwich Albion and Norwich City) suggests that might be the case.  Distressingly, it seems Torres might be turtling back into the shell he occupied for large stretches of last season.  As the chalkboards below indicate, Torres’ passes received have dramatically fallen off since he had 51 against Stoke on the opening weekend.  And while he had 9 take-ons against Stoke and 10 versus WBA, he had a measly 2 (both lost) last BPL weekend.  And it’s not just the stats that tell the story here, as anyone who’s watched Torres play for Chelsea will attest.  Particularly, there was a moment in the 21st minute of the Norwich City match, when, having been played in by a nice slide-rule pass from Florent Malouda, Torres decided to cut back at the edge of the box and try to find Drogba with a pass rather than try to beat Ritche De Laet for pace.  Though he nearly created a chance, this, for me, was a telling moment.  Where, exactly, is the player who used to smoke Nemanja Vidic (never mind perennial United loanee De Laet) and score goals for fun against the Red Devils?  Or how about the guy  whose blazing speed helped him score the winner in the final of the 2008 European Championships?  Sadly, I think the answer is becoming clear.  That player, like those £50M, may be gone forever.


Paul Lambert was apparently pretty frosted at what he deemed to be the excessive exuberance displayed by some Chelsea staff after Ramirez won a penalty that ultimately lead to Frank Lampard’s match-winning goal.  Really, the nerve of these continentals and their emotions.  A look at how Norwich was positioned after equalizing, though, suggests Lambert should mostly be angry with himself.  As the Chalkboard below indicates, Norwich maintained a high and narrow defensive line in the period after Holt evened the score.  This unbalanced 1-8-1 seems like a particularly odd tactic for a recently promoted club who was well-positioned to leave Stamford Bridge with a point.  What is more, it allowed Chelsea to attack from the wings and beat them on the counterattack, which they did in the build-up to Ramirez’s penalty-winning run into the box.  Rather than play for the point, Lambert seemed to want to kick-on and win the match.  It’s admirable when smaller clubs don’t park the bus, but sometimes discretion is the better part of, well, you know.  Lambert got greedy and got burned.



Thursday, September 1, 2011

Will George Lucas Ever Stop Effing Up Star Wars? Noooooo.

George Lucas just cannot help himself. We’ve had Jar-Jar, Greedo shooting first, David Beckham in the cantina and Hayden Christensen as an apparition. Now, there’s this. Just when it seemed like the original trilogy was safe from further money-grubbing meddling, George The Tinkerer delivers what amounts to a donkey punch to the head of Star Wars' Gen X fandom. Hey, we need a tweak to boost those Blu-ray sales, people. The Skywalker Fire Brigade doesn’t pay for itself, after all. 


This latest desecration further underscores a theory I’ve been had for a while, which is that Lucas has, for whatever reason, become so alienated from the original trilogy that he’s lost any and all understanding of what made it so popular and endearing in the first place. He’s basically forgotten what made Star Wars cool. It’s almost gotten to the point where you have to wonder whether he ever really understood it to begin with. His body of work seems to suggest that Boba Fett is the exception and Ewoks hang-gliding the rule. Still, if Lucas got incredibly lucky in stumbling upon sci-fi gold, could he at least have the decency to just let it be so future generations can perhaps enjoy the same myth? Doesn’t he find it odd that J.R.R. Tolkien never revisited The Return of the King to, say, delete the Scouring of the Shire chapter? Or that the ever-shameless Orson Wells never fleshed out that opening scene of Citizen Kane. That’s not to equate Star Wars with LOTR or Kane, but you get the point. Real artists don’t continuously muck around with their signature creations. And, maybe, that’s the point—Lucas was never really an artist, just a nerd who got lucky. 


As long as completionists and fan boys keep paying for this shlock, he’ll keep churning it out. The only thing that can stop him are Star Wars fans who refuse to buy (and become accessories to) these bastardized versions.


Oh, you thought this was the nadir?
No, it actually gets worse.